Half Year Old

When I turned 30 everyone asked me if I felt differently entering this new decade. I didn't. The same question came around when I got married and when I graduated with the doctorate degree. I didn't feel more mature or responsible because I was married nor did I feel any smarter or confident because I now could demand the title Doctor before my name. Even being pregnant didn't necessarily make me feel "different" (aside from the physical part of it). But now, six months into this new role of motherhood, I can definitely attest that I have changed, evolved, significantly enough for me to notice. These changes, for better or for worse, have brought a sense of confidence that I never knew I could feel. I'm more discriminating while at the same time I understand what is important enough to deserve war. I'm more apt at recognizing the difference between my whims and my convictions even if I voice them similarly. And the details of life that I sometimes dwelled on seem more relevant since they matter so much in our every day interactions with Alexandra.

I know, I know it isn't fair to attribute these significant changes to motherhood alone. The culmination of all those events that happened in my 30s and the fact that 40 is just around the corner, contributes to my introspection and this realization. And now that I'm back at work, seemingly the same, while I sit behind my desk doing the same old thing, the same old way, with the same old people I quietly burst in difference and changes I wish I could make everyone know and see. But why? I keep this new sense of self in motherhood, in marriage, as I enter my forties brewing inside me releasing bits at a time for the world to see.

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At six months Alexandra talks, stands, does the downward dog? For some reason she takes the crawling position but instead of moving forward or backward, she lifts her behind up in the air, straightening her legs into that yoga pose. And she holds it, holds it, holds it and then falls back to her knees or on her side back to the rug. She seems brave to try new things. Her personality shows to be demanding and curious, involved. At six months she seems to understand cause and effect...does this mean her manipulation of us begins?

She stares at me at times, intently, lifting an eyebrow as if letting me know she found something on my face to be very interesting. And then she mimics me. She wants to touch everything, squeeze it, bury her nails into it, whatever that IT may be. And she's quick. In less than two seconds, she stuck her tiny index finger into Papa's nose and wiggled it about. Think of that image next time you meet her and she sticks her fingers in your mouth!

I sang Happy Birthday to Alexandra this morning, at least five times. She was amused by it. To commemorate this fabulous milestone, we may serve peaches to her for the first time tomorrow. I've been preparing for this day by buying the ripest organic peaches, getting her a silicone spoon that won't scratch her face, buying just the right plate that won't slip easily off the table and charging the camera. She already sits at the table with us at dinner time, on her own chair but until now she has joined us only in conversation. This time she will partake in eating real, albeit mushy, food. I was told I should start with green color foods as opposed to orange color ones since orange foods tend to be sweet (like carrots, peaches, sweet potato, squash, etc.) and starting her on sugar may not be the best bet. I don't know. I've prepared for over a month for this day and she too has been enthusiastic about finally eating peaches...well, at least that is what I interpret every time i squint, smile and repeat "peaches peaches peaches" and she laughs to her heart's content.